How to get started with what you want to do
So you can live a life that is more aligned and joyful
January 15, 2025Before getting started on writing this article, I scrolled through a few tabs, designed an entire master document for all my article writing (planning and reporting included), I got up twice (because it’s important to stay hydrated), and again once more (because that’s what happens when you stay hydrated).
Why is it that we have such a hard time with starting something new, even when we truly want it? And consequently, how do we break through our own resistance, so we can turn ideas, big and small, into action and change?
The fear of the first step
There is nothing wrong with those of us who need a little more incentive to get started. In fact, this is rooted in our psychology and often depicted in media:
Our brains aim to protect us from situations that are unknown and potentially dangerous (see: “Moana” (1))
The status quo expends less energy and keeps us socially accepted (see: “High School Musical” (2))
We are master storytellers with a propensity to create monsters and cliffs and tsunamis of doom (see: me)
Before we get started on what we want to do, an idea takes the form of a desire, with an array of uncertain consequences and results, and a distant new reality. We, hence, enter a loop of overthinking, planning, mapping out all possible scenarios, contingency planning and become masters in the lost art of “finding the perfect moment”. But alas, it is a lost art for a reason.
There are multiple dimensions to this fear. I invite you to read these next bullet points with enough slowness and self-reflection to identify which one(s) are currently keeping you from taking action:
Fear of the unknown: We are creatures of predictability and control, and venturing into something new means opening ourselves to change and situations where we lack the ability to control the outcome. The unknown can start with that first step, and not knowing where to start can leave us feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed;
Fear of judgment: As social beings, we care about acceptance and belonging, and we worry about what others will think of our choices, efforts and even outcomes (whether we succeed or fail). Judgement from others can threaten our sense of self, and to avoid social rejection we may avoid new pursuits entirely;
Fear of failure: Whether rooted in perfectionism, past experiences or low self-esteem, we worry about not getting things right, and the consequences it may bring;
Fear of success: Look, I’m not calling you out more than I’m calling myself out on this one. Success brings expectations and responsibility, to which we feel we may not live up, and perhaps (unwanted) attention and change. We may also feel “undeserving” of this success, and we fulfill that prophecy by not even getting started.
The restlessness of feeling stuck
Restlessness relates to an inability to stay still or quiet; a feeling of dissatisfaction, unease or desire for change.
Just because we stop ourselves from getting started, does not mean we feel good about it. There are a few reasons why this happens:
The paradox of procrastination: Fear comes from an immediate need for control and safety (short-term), yet restlessness comes from a desire for change and the benefits that may come from it (long-term). Because the long-term feels distant and unclear, we avoid the intense emotions related to fear and uncertainty, by staying where we are, even though it is also uncomfortable;
Cognitive dissonance: An internal conflict and discomfort arises from our action (or lack thereof) not aligning with our values or desires;
Conflicting needs: To put it clearer, our need for control and our need for a change are in direct conflict, and we either let go of change to feel in control (and our restlessness arises from needing change), or we let go of control so we can drive change (let’s look into that option next).
The breakthrough of the first step
Now that I’ve read us all for filth, it is only fair I offer an antidote to our restlessness and a roadmap for getting started. Here are 3 ways to getting started with what you want to do, for neurotypical and neurodivergent minds alike:
1. Body doubling and designing a supportive environment
Accountability and support are powerful tools in getting things done. One popular technique ADHDers often use is that of body doubling, and you may have used it without knowing. Parents sit down next to their children while they (the children, hopefully) do their homework. University pals sit together while studying for different exams. My husband builds shared workout routines so that we (read: I) work out.
Body doubling in practice: Find a pal or loved one and schedule some time with them; define a duration for the session and decide (out loud) what are each of your goals for the session. When doing so, focus more on the progress you want to make, and in helping each other understand if the goals are clear and realistic for that session, and not on the win/lose situation of whether you get done everything you set out to do (although, ADHD folks are often motivated by short burst of self-competition, and if that’s your case, you go for it, you!). Then work in parallel (separately) on your own goals.
Example:
- “We have one hour of co-working. My goal for this hour is to start writing an article on manta rays. I'll focus on the article structure and drafting the introduction today. And you?”
- “My goal for this hour is to continue on my canvas oil painting of a beach. I’ll probably work on the wave texture today”
- “Cool, we’re awesome!”
- “Yeah, so awesome - let’s go!”
It is not in the shared work only, but in the mere shared presence and community of being together, even if working separately, that we find motivation, accountability and progress in the work that we sometimes dread to do.
How to get started today: if you do not have a willing partner on hand, focus on other aspects of your environment, and try the following: choose a motivating soundtrack, and see how much you can get done while it plays in the background.
2. Breaking things down to the smallest steps
I find this practice crucial for all brains, but I know the level of detail required can be very different from one brain to the next. For some “do the laundry” is enough, while for others (ahem ADHD) it may mean a series of sub-tasks like “bring the basket to the washer, separate clothes by type/color, put clothes and detergent in washer, turn on machine, take clothes out to dry, …” (etc etc - or even more detailed - so that you don’t get overwhelmed by the lack of clarity in the task or forget about completing it). So here the first golden rule is:
Identify what constitutes “done”.
While “clean the kitchen” can mean a lot of things (especially to different people), "vacuum, then mop the floors, wash the sink and wipe the counters in the kitchen” brings clarity to what needs doing and when it is considered done. And - if I may add - it is a powerful communication tool for the happiness of long-term relationships (but that’s a conversation for another day). But, relationships aside, defining “done” has been the most effective tool in diminishing the overwhelm in which my restless brain continuously finds itself:
“What is it exactly that I need to do, in practical terms?”.
We often look at goals and projects and do not realize they are not single action tasks, and we put them on our to-do list, greatly underestimating the time and effort required to check them off the list. Which leads me to the second golden rule (the one that varies in detail for each person):
Break down the goal or project into actionable steps or tasks.
Once you know what needs to be done (first rule), break it down into the smallest steps needed for you to be clear on what to do (second rule), and make it easier for you to get started.
If you want to “be an author”, perhaps you can apply the first rule to identify your goal of “publishing a book”, and decide to get started by writing weekly articles on your beloved manta rays. This in turn can be broken down into (a) researching a platform for your articles, (b) drafting 1-5 topic ideas for your first articles, (c) drafting a first article, and so on. Perhaps this still feels too daunting (going back to the fears we discussed earlier). So let’s make this even easier. Today you decide the one thing with which you want to start is building a space for inspiration and creation, so you start with (d) print your favorite photo of a manta ray. It truly can be this small, so long as that helps trigger the other actions. And “small” is relative.
You can take this a step further by creating a reverse calendar, where you reverse engineer your goal, with a deadline, and work backwards to design all the steps you must take to get to your end goal.
How to get started today: Apply golden rules 1: “identify what constitutes ‘done’” and 2: “break down the goal into actionable steps”. Now look at the smallest step you can take today - what will you do? Nope, if you’re leaving it for tomorrow, that’s not small enough. Stick with me here. What is your “print manta ray picture” step? You have it? Do that one today!
3. Cultivating resilience through self-efficacy and a growth mindset
Good news, bad news. This is the last challenge I’ll have for you today, but some say it is the hardest. That’s because I’ll have you look at yourself, reflect and celebrate your progress (Eww David (3)).
Self-efficacy refers to our belief in our ability to succeed at a task. Experts believe those with higher self-efficacy are “healthier, more effective and generally more successful” in pursuing and achieving challenging goals (4). Bandura’s theory identifies 4 sources that contribute to one’s belief in one’s self-efficacy:
Mastery experiences: Past successful performance of tasks and challenges
Vicarious experiences: Observing others successfully completing similar tasks
Verbal persuasion: Encouragement and positive reinforcement and feedback from others
Physiological states: One’s interpretation of sensations as indicators of ability
Self-efficacy is, for example, famously worked on by athletes through rituals that include positive self-talk. This practice has been studied by psychology, learning and sports specialists, and shown to aid in self-regulation which contributes to learning and performance (5).
Growth mindset refers to the belief that our abilities can be developed through learning, effort and practice (6), and it differs from the idea of fixed mindset, where abilities are innate and success must be effortless, and therefore one is threatened by challenge and failure.
Because I am such a fan of Dr. Carol S. Dweck’s work on mindset, I promise (accountability) that I will write more about mindset. For now, I want to leave you with a couple of exercises that help you work on your self-efficacy and mindset, which in turn grow your resilience (also a topic on which I’ll speak more).
How to get started today: On a notebook or doc (or at least in your own head, if you’re fighting me a lot right now), take the time to reflect on the following:
What is an example of a time I succeeded in something challenging?
What is an example of a skill I may need for this goal/challenge, and a past experience that shows I’ve applied that skill in the past?
What is an example of a time I learned a new skill I previously didn’t have, so that I could successfully overcome a challenge or achieve a goal?
To finish how I started, it is only fair I tell you this article was written while body doubling next to my husband, broken down into deliverables that I could realistically tackle in one go, and created while reminding myself that what I can expect from this article more than perfection is growth. Growth from putting in the effort to research, to write, and to open myself to feedback. And that is just the first thing I put out there, and from this challenge I’ll learn and improve.
But the point is: I wanted to do something. Write this article for you. And this is how I got started with what I wanted to do.
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References
1 “Where You Are” from the movie "Moana". © 2016 Walt Disney Records2 “Stick to the Status Quo” from the movie "High School Musical". © 2006 Walt Disney Records3 Reference to the quote made popular by Annie Murphy, who played Alexis Rose in Schitt's Creek4 Bandura, A. (1997), Self-efficacy: The exercise of control5 Goffena, J. D. (2025), Self-regulated learning for self-talk: Applications for sport learning and performance. In J. Thibodeaux, J. L. Van Raalte, & Y. L. Dickens (Eds.), Principles of self-talk in sport settings: Theory, research, and practice (pp. 163–177). American Psychological Association6 Dweck, C. (2006), Mindset